The preciousness of it all

I am the rare flower,
that you have to treasure, nurture and protect.
I am the precious gem,
that you have to discover, polish, flaunt and secure,
I am the uncommon,
fast becoming extinct unto ordinariness.

If you are not the connoisseur,
and failed to see my rareness,
for all you can see is the common,

Is that my fault or yours?

When you were thinking of sex

When you were thinking of sex
I was thinking of advaita, the cosmic fusion.
When you were thinking of love
I was thinking of soul mates.
When you were thinking of you and me
I was thinking of us.
When you thought that 'I' am begging,
'I' had already surrendered my ego to love
When you thought 'I' am Vulnerable
'I' was the strong one with all of me given to Love.
You are the one who is running,
You are one looking for a escape route,
You are the one afraid to look into yourself and let go.

You come from a world where two separate souls meet, interact and
move on carrying what you brought in.

For me, there is no 'I'. My love is a seamless merging.
That is why I cannot let go. You are in me.
I have fused myself into togetherness with nothing separate.

Where can you go ?

Now, do you comprehend the depth of my pain?
It is the pain of the womb,
As the child is forcibly separated from the mother,
It is a mental tearing off,
limb by limb,
trying to identify
what is yours and
what is mine.

- Srividya Srinivasan

Responding to the Cosmic

Do not take credit or feel pride for anything
you have done or achieved.
Your intelligence was given.
Your physical looks were given.
Your fit body with no deformities was given.
Do not measure my world and yours by
the number of children we had;
the number of cars we owned;
the amount of money we have in the bank;
or the investments we have done.
In the passage of life these mean nothing.

Do not weigh your personality
with psuedo words, pride and position,
or the arrogance that you know it all.
Against the simplest test of intelligence,
you would fail miserably.
They were all given.
We have earned nothing, we own nothing.
Not our body, not our minds, not our intelligence,
not our wealth, not our health, not our children,
nor our parents.

Your opportunities were carved out for you by
the world and the cosmos.
If at all you have a right to take any credit,
it is only that you recognized your potential,
that you utilised your faculties,
and
that you seized and responded to the divine cosmic,
and went with the larger flow for your own redemption.

- Srividya Srinivasan

Is Adwaitha really possible ?

Is Adwaitha really possible ? Truly ? For even that tiniest fraction of time if it does, would not it be the most magnificient phenomena as all dualities merge seamlessly right from the largest to the tinest i.e the proton and the electron to the entire cosmos that is held in balance due to duality losing itself ? Pralaya.What a thought !!

Srividya Srinivasan
[ Midnight Ramblings]

The resultant is everything or nothing!!

When the individual consiousness merges with the supreme consciousness,
when dwaitha merges into adwaitha,
Would the resultant be nothing ?
or everything ?
is it nothingness cos no properties exist or everythingness as all properties are merged ?

Srividya Srinivasan
[ Midnight Ramblings]

Bliss

Anandha lies suspended between the clutter of the past
and the nebulousness of the future.
A fragile pulsing moment of pure life.
I am in bliss.

- Srividya Srinivasan

I hate tears

I hate tears.
But they come unbidden.
All the time.

I hate being lonely.
But I am all the time.

I love to laugh.
All the time. 
But the humour is drying up
The tears stay.

- Srividya Srinivasan

And then there were none...

One said I am there
for life.
He was. And wasn't.
I was right there
but as good as dead.
Another saw.
Came.
A user in disguise.
brought in hope.
came with the rope.
I cling.
It's a long journey.
together.
So i think.
Lo. He spies another
greener pasture.
And plays a dual game
nay a multiple game.
he torments by making
you watch it as well.
The long journey was
a farce.
What an old fashioned fool you are.
whimper. in a corner.
cring.
lo, comes another.
wiser and nicer.
full of goodness.
pull from the quagmire.
now i have you on level ground
come on. wake up.
Punch. Punch. Punch.
Come on wake up.
You can do it.
Punch. Punch. Punch.
You are alone.
Love it.
Punch. Punch. Punch.
Come on dream.
Punch. Punch. Punch.
Had you this time. Ha ha ha.
Punch. Punch. Punch.

Have you seen ?

Have you seen the depths of despair?
the absolute bottom pit of loneliness?
the dark nights of nightmarish terror?
Have you ever felt so lost that you are blank?
Have you ever felt you are an angel banished
to hell?
Shorn of all glory and power.
Have you ever cringed to go out,
feared a crowd,
Felt yourself ugly inside out?
Have you ever longed for a word of praise ?
For a single act of solidarity instead of criticism?
Have you ever been where you are not on trial?
Judged for all that you have done and not done?
I hope you haven't been and never will.
It is a trip to hell and back my friend,
I hope you don't.

Can't you see ?

You are asking me to be lonely,
not just to be alone.

Please don't

Don't be kind to me and then be harsh,
Instead be harsh always.
Don't love me now and leave me later,
Instead don't love me at all.
Don't be tender now and then be mean,
Instead be mean from the start.
Don't make me believe and then pull it back,
What do you think I would be left with?
Don't bond yourself with me
Mind, body, Soul
And then walk away.
What do you think I can do ?
Don't show the heaven of togetherness
and then ask me live alone.

The Divine Connection

It is a special someone who sees a problem
and risks stepping in instead of moving on ;
It is a special someone who at your lowest point
still sees you as a person with a problem
And not as THE PROBLEM;
It is a special someone whom you can call at midnight,
and he listens with his heart and soul to you;
It is a special someone who can empathize with you,
and wait for the right moment to tell you are wrong ;
It is a special someone who cries 'cos your hurting,
And loves you for your giggle;
It is a special someone who stands by you even if the entire
world turns its back on you;
It is a special someone who thinks of you all day long,
and takes the effort and the time to let you know;
It is a special someone who can bring the touch of the divine,
to light the candle of hope in your heart;
It is a special someone who can make you feel
that life is worth living after all;
It is a special someone who makes you feel beautiful inside out,
It is a special someone who is so pure at heart
that you feel at peace with him;
And after all this,
when such a special person says
It's all over and it didn't mean a thing,
What is one to do ?

Your complete woman

I am the witch with the magical powers,
I am the temptress with the bewitching smile,
I am the enchantress with the sparkling eyes,
I am the intellectual who would drown you in thought,
I am the romantic who would show you the stars,
I am the infant who would cry for your arms,
I am the child who would long for your glance,
I am the helpless who would need your hand,
I am the invincible who would need no one,
I am the innocent with the ready laugh,
I am the stealer of hearts and of yours,
I am the one to mother your child,
I am the lover who matches your fire,
I am your prayer,
I am your salvation,
I am your dream,
I am your nightmare,
I am your sanity,
I am your despair,
I am your mother,
I am your child,
I am the dreamer in Us,
I am the doer in Us,
I am the believer in Us,
As long as i live.

- Srividya Srinivasan

I seek you

My eyes seek the crowds eagerly.
They seek you among a thousand faces.
A muted laugh somewhere
makes me turn quickly.
Is that your laugh that I hear ?

Every gait looks familiar.
Surely that is you ahead ?
I rush ahead in my anxiety
to find a stranger’s face.

I walk the ways alone
seeking and longing for your company.
Every wayfarer shall bear your name,
every visage your face.
Every voice will sounds like yours .
But no ! It is not to be.
And, as I trudge my way along life’s course,
I make it searching for ye.

- Srividya Srinivasan
  October 1998

BROKEN DREAMS

The moment mocks at me.
It represents the death of all that I believe in.
I smile.
The ghastly artificial smile of one who weeps inside.
All around me are laughing gay faces.
They are rejoicing for me.
They think that they share my moment of joy.
The flowers in their brilliance, the canopy of lights,
the strains of music, the snatches of conversations,
the bright faces, the sheen of silks.
All for my perfect moment in life.
I suddenly absurdly want to laugh.
And cry.
“This is not what I want ” my mind screams
... silently.
I hide my tears.
Have you ever shared a perfect moment with the wrong person ?


- Srividya Srinivasan
October 1998

BIRTH-DEATH

A second passes...
And a moment is born...
and a moment dies.

Suspended between both am I.
Suspended between birth and death.

Should I rejoice for the moment to come
for the birth of new Mes ?
or
harp on fond memories ?

They say that
everything that ever happened is in the air still,
in time and space suspended somewhere in infinity.
I wish I could bottle up all those I treasure,
draw all events unto myself ,
Capture its essence like a fragrance ,
like a glorious piece of music,
to open at will
to feel the same emotions wash all over me again.

Then, I could go ahead with living,
and rejoice in the birth
and not mourn the death of the moment past.

- Srividya Srinivasan
1997

INTERLUDE

A bubble forms...
A haze takes shape from the smoke.
A lazy air of content creeps in ...
as one half-listens to the scraping of plates,
the stilted attempts at conversation.

The smoke swirls around one bringing along with it
snatches of conversations.
One is only partly aware of the surroundings,
Eyes take on a dreamy look as the rain
pours incessantly outside.

Then, suddenly the noises cease.
The smoke clears.
There is the scraping of feet against the clean floor.
The spell is broken.
The reverie carefully packed up as a golden memory,
A brief interlude amidst a crowded tension filled day,
The bubble bursts.

- Srividya Srinivasan
July 1996

FREEDOM TO BE

I spoke.
You bade me be silent .
I moved.
You stilled my movement.

I spoke.
You distorted my words into thousand fragments,
until scattered by the wind
they became meaningless utterances.

I acted.
You made my actions a mockery
of myself, of others.
I saw.
But you made what I saw so utterly despicable ,
that I wanted to see no more.

But I dream...
And in the secret recesses of my dreams,
I soar high, free and full of ecstasy,
No censurous eyes still my movements,
No cruel words taunt my joys,
As I rejoice in my dreams
and delight in the only haven that I can seek
this is all I ask of you.
Intrude not - atleast in my dreams .

- Srividya Srinivasan
1992

BREAKING FREE

Fly away my dearest,
before it is too late,
Fly away my dearest,
to sunnier places and bluer skies,
Prepare yourself for the inevitable break
that I know will be a difficult one to make.

The longer you tarry here,
You will have much to fear,
I’ll cut your wings of freedom,
one a day, without your knowledge.
And, in its place
I shall sew on
deceptively fragile threads of loving bondage,
so strong, that they shall hold you fast.

When you finally out of despair decide
to seek distant shores with greener pastures,
There will be no wings to fly,
and no will to try.
And in that bitter-sweet bondage
We shall be bound forever,
Fly away my dearest, before it is too late.

- Srividya Srinivasan
October 1998

I feel ...

I feel happy.
The sky looks a little bluer.
Some one smiles at me a little wider.
Colors seem a little sharper.
I see fashion.
I see beauty.
I see hope.
I see love.
I see gorgeous hunks and beautiful women.
I see laughter and the gleam of teeth.
I see kindness.
I see romance.
I see innocence in a child.
The world seems to be in me.
And I am right in the centre of it.
The sky seems grey.
Someone died.
Some one cried.
Someone is fighting there today.
I see red.
I see pain.
I see tears.
Someone is grouchy.
Someone is touchy.
I see a child with a broken toy.
I see two lovers fight.
I read about a bomb blast.

Did the world change?
Or did I ?
Or did I change my world?