Watching life go by...

The forties is a dangerous age. An age, where you are forced to take your place in the audience knowing that you would never join the ones on the stage under the limelight, though everything in your being cries to be there, shining away. Yet, one's fate under the stars is to reconcile oneself to being just the audience, to comprehend one's place in the grand drama, to stifle childhood dreams, watching others shine on, watch and admire peers who made it, and your children who will. One struggles, never relating to being just the audience, relegated to the role of the spectator and sits there desperately trying to kill the creator within. And, there are others content to finally be in the audience, the pressure to be on the stage as participants finally lifted so that they can sink back into anonymity, the attention on them switched off so they can enjoy the sheer content of just being a keen commentator of those who shine. And so we age, and so we age...

Srividya Srinivasan 13/01/2016

Little bits of Floating thoughts ...as I catch them

Sometimes, you have to wander very far, fully lose your sense of bearings to long to go back home' - SS [9/1/2016]


There is nothing sadder than realising that home is a person and that the door is permanently shut for you. - SS [ 9/1/2016]

In a relationship, it is not what you ask and receive that delights. It is receiving what you wanted but never asked.- SS [ 9/1/2016]

I realise that every time i talk about a goal, a milestone, security i am forgetting my own mortality and impermanence. I wonder sometimes how i even have the courage or stupidity to dream of the morrow without knowing if i will live to see the end of it. Fragile, pathetic, foolish creatures. Us, humans. - SS [ 7/1/2016]

There is no way you can go back in time and protect your earlier selves. -SS-[ 4/1/2016]

Be a passive observer of your active participation of life. - SS [ 30/12/2015]

It does not matter the number of lives you have led, if deep within, you still feel that you are waiting for your actual life to begin.- SS - [ 26/12/2015]

Our parents are not our anchor,
Our siblings are not our support,
Our best friends are not our siblings,
Our colleagues are not our family,
Our lovers are not our soulmates,
Our children are not our dreams,
Our partners are not our lifeline.
What then, are we finally to ourselves?
What then are we to the world ?

- SS [ 24/12/2015]

All the games our minds play? That's not us. Not really. - SS [ 15/12/2015]

I realise now that you were a detour. A cruel revelation of how the journey could have been, the brilliant difference the right company can make to the journey and discovering what a lovely companion I can be. I still have to come back to the main road, to forget the detour and pretend the rest of the journey excites me, while making do with the company i get.- SS [ 15/12/2015]



 

Restlessness

Sometimes, a deep restlessness overtakes me. I am assaulted by a quickening of my senses, a rush of energy, an intense desire for laughter, madness, adventure, passion, life and completion. My feet long to dance, my mind longs to spar with a witty companion, my body longs for completion, and my self misses coming home to the best of me in another. The restlessness becomes so acute that I am reduced to nothing but an impatient longing and yearning to seek release for the many versions of myself that i hold in check. The moment, the day and life is dancing with million delicious possibilities and the sense of aliveness is too overpowering. I sit down quietly by myself with a cup of coffee in silence, and wait till the trembling stops, and all that longing and energy of what seems like the entire universe is slowly reduced to an acceptable, toned down version that keeps life stable, safe and predictable and where roles can be played to perfection. These attacks of intense aliveness and longing have to stop.

- Srividya Srinivasan 9/1/2016