An identity crisis.

In isolation, the single drop of water should comprehend its identity before it can merge itself into the wave and the vast ocean.

Srividya Srinivasan

Suck it up ...

You can't become a martyr by bearing the cross of your own choices in life.

               - Srividya Srinivasan

If the present is a blank ...

If the past has lost its hold..
And you have a blank present...
does it mean there is no future ?
Or does it mean you
can create any future you want ?

            ~ Srividya Srinivasan

It takes two to break a pattern or does it ?

What i am within myself when i am with you and what you are when you are with me is what we bring out in each other. it is not the only persons we have within ourselves or the persons we can be but it is what we will be with regard to each other. No effort on either side can change that. It is a prototype that is set when we first meet each other and the pattern is repeated each time. Only a fresh perspective and time would make any difference. When in the future, we get an understanding of who we both were at that point in time, we perceive what other persons we could have been.

                 ~ Srividya Srinivasan

Square Pegs. Round Holes.

A square peg can fit
only so much
into a round hole.

Badly. Awkwardly
and with a lot of
effort.
And would still
not fit perfectly.

Square pegs are
rarer than round holes.
They stick out and
Spoil the harmony.

Getting angry with the
square peg for being so
and not fitting into
round holes is no use.
The square peg can only try.
It can even pretend to be a
round peg.
But at one glance you would
know it is not.

Yes. You could search for
square holes for the
square pegs.
That is going to take awhile
and maybe
you would find
one that fits
or maybe never.

Most square pegs are
chopped away and
chipped away to
make them as
round pegs.

And then the square peg
is square no more.

- Srividya Srinivasan

Someone ... Somewhere

Some one. Some where.
Is holding out for truth.
For love.
For beliefs.
Some one some where
 is doing that
while you have sold your soul
in your utter fatigue
from life's battering.

Some one. Some where.
On this tiny planet.

And you weep alone
because it is not you.
And you rejoice too
because some one
some where
is holding out to truth.
For love...

- Srividya Srinivasan

Marriaging the brand ...

All relationships in the world are transactional.

We trade financial, emotional, physical and psychological aspects with one another irrespective of the relationship we profess. Whenever we give, we expect back and not necessarily in the same format in return but mostly from the same person.

All intimate associations are about the power of co-branding to create a new power brand. You are a brand - whether you are a small one, powerful one,a  failed one, boring one or a fascinating one. And, we all seek or form associations or rather should seek partnerships where the power of our individual brand gains strength. The self image that we have of ourselves should be enhanced in the presence of the other.This is a large psychological impression of gain and worth that is impossible to articulate completely in tangible terms. It is not based on the wealth, position or power alone that the other might bring into the association but more often the feeling of enhanced power in one's own brand because of the entry and presence of the other that makes the difference. It is not so much about what the other does, or what one does but this feeling of increased self brand gain that marks a powerful and strong relationship. When two people meet on such terms, their individual feeling of self worth increases because of presence of the other. Both, thus operate with the best aspect of themselves with relationship to the other. That is how and why respect comes easily between them. When the best in one is brought out, and the highest reflection of one's self worth is in the presence of the other, one holds such a relationship dear. It is self preservation at its highest but using the other as a mirror for one's best. So in a way you love someone a lot because you love who you are when you are with that person. How you act, how you feel, how your self esteem is boosted in the presence of the other through the very act of association decides how a relationship would go and how long it would last. If secretly one hates the association, or is not finding a reflection of the highest in oneself reflected through association with the other, it leads to a deterioration of the relationship.

Pride of association brings on brand loyalty. A relationship that has no transactional value will also die fast as all brands will. Power brands are built when the individual brand value is highly enhanced with association to the other and collectively a new brand that has the combined power of both individual brands is formed. Such a  marriage is often a successful one.


- Srividya Srinivasan

Just a little prayer ...

O God !
Grant me a bigger ego.
One almost as big as you.

              - Srividya Srinivasan

I realise ...

How can I be angry with you for taking too much
   When I was the one to give it all
         without holding anything back ?

       - Srividya Srinivasan

Say it is not so ...

Do we live in a state of perpetual denial, unceasing self-induced good feeling and positivism even if the truth is all around us screaming itself hoarse ? Have we become a race where stating the obvious truth becomes a crime, and one is branded a pessimist or a kill joy or worse still a traitor for just for recognizing what is ?. Solutions will start only when we recognize and accept that there is a problem and celebrate the one who has the courage to state the truth instead of stilling the voice of truth. Instead, we would rather continue and live the fake that everything is fine until the stench of our cowardice assails our consciences to override our denial. We are a race of worshipers of superficiality, of what looks fine and seems like feel good. We are a race of empty beautiful plastic masks hanging by a thread. A hollow self worshiping race rotting in the stench of unceasing indulgence covering it up with perfumed aromas and glittering lies.

 - Srividya Srinivasan

Pain, Life and Death

Pain, is the impact each time natural chaos mockingly breaks through our feeble artificial attempts to discipline or control life and make it predictable to our terms. Every day. All through our lives. And yet, we shall try till we die our final deaths,even if  we die a million small deaths every day. Foolish people. Us. Through our awkward daily attempts at routine, discipline and order we will strive to gain the upper hand,  to claim that we have life licked. And laughingly, mockingly life will throw its head back at us as if to say " Fools, it is in unpredictability, through change, through de-automizing that you are alive. The minute it is anything else it is called Death" And so the game goes on, between pain, life and death.

~ Srividya Srinivasan

Arrogance ?

What you accuse as Arrogance, my dear,
      is nothing but my freedom and ability
               to have my own view
                      based on my own experience and
                               based on my own intuition
                                    without the weight of
                                             authority or
                                                 approval of
                                                    another's
                                                          experience
                                                               or stamp of
                                                                     credibility.
                                I am far more credible and honest
                                                 because I speak my own truth
                                                          however warped or confused it may be.
                                                                                                                       
                                                                      ~ Srividya Srinivasan

                                               

What do you see ?

The highest freedom comes when you realise that you are nothing special. You are just another child, just another mom, just another wife, just another sister or brother, aunt or uncle, colleague, boss, friend, just another wanna be, just another struggling human on this planet, just another person fighting the battle of health, wealth, hopes, dreams, fears, fat and death. That you and all around you everyone is carrying the curse of uniqueness and the blessing of ordinariness. In that humbling realisation you come to terms with yourself as you are. And, that is what one sees in the mirror, no ?

- Srividya Srinivasan

Conversations with a soulmate - II

Him:
Tell me when does a relationship start?
when two people talk?
or when 2 people hold hands and go for walks
or when they sleep together
or when they live together for sometime
or when that irrespective of the above or with all the above, they have realised that this can last a long time?

Her:

I think the moment one just knows that even if it is a risk it is worth taking and taking it together.
You see inspite of all logical considerations affection, love etc., is spontaneous and intuitive and from the gut ... we make pathetic attempts to articulate ourselves and others as descriptions. As though we are absolutes or definitions and yet each of us could be just such different persons with different people...

I have found there is no timelines possible to relationships.When is it ok to hold hands, when does it stop being a risk, when is it ok to kiss ? The intensity of emotions vary with the readiness of both people and a host of situations that favour it. Some times one month seems too long a wait and sometimes one needs a year. One just flows, and if it feels right and there is great degree of trust and willingness to be vulnerable to each other, one is ready faster. We could talk for a year without meeting yet in minutes when we meet so many things would fall in place - some questions wouldn't arise and some answers would just be there.

Conversations with a soulmate - I

Her: I have been a Shakti all my life, too powerful in my inner fire to be subdued by mere conventions. I can only bow down to love and gentleness - but yes will match fire for fire - passion for passion - gentleness with gentleness - go so tender that we would be so vulnerable ... a Sati is lost without her Shiva just like a Shiva is nothing without his Sati to fire him

Him: I would tell you to flower and flower and flower such that your intensity overwhelms me and my passions... I will tell you something... if I am with a woman and she decides to use her sensuality so openly that it is no longer within my grasp, I will be proud of that woman... I am never in fear of not keeping a woman and even if a woman leaves me, it would be because I have made her over grow me to such an extant that my usual self would look mellow... I would react to that by being sad for sometime, but I would also be proud, be quick to get to my feet and rise even further up in my capabilities... I believe we within are very primal and I think that is the supreme pleasure that is provided to humans... A man and a woman are like yin and yang... like Shiva and Shakti...I am Shiv... and my exuberance and passion will become multifold, uncontrollable to give and to share if I find my Shakti...

Her: And, have you found her ?

The gods within us ...

The ancient gods have vanished ...
Did they ever exist ?
Who knew them then ?
Who knows them now?
Buried into the vastness of
    consciousness and unconsciousness...
They have gone.
Unbidden and uncared for...

The new gods were born ...
They were invoked ...
Created by fertile minds in feeble bodies...
Fed on by thoughts and invocations
and fueled by desires of mortals...
Until the crying prayers of million minds
made them powerfully weak.

Where are the new gods now?
Who speaks their tongue?
The pseudo priests and the holy men ?
The new age thinkers ?
Or none?

If a man was a little saner
His God would know what to do .
But then if man was saner ...
would he create a god  at all ?

and they fight and they burn...
in the name of the forgotten gods
quoting verses from books long gone...

Will the spirits of the old and new gods
awake from their slumber ?
They will. Or then maybe they will not.

          - Srividya Srinivasan

~Written in the style of Nasa Diya [ The gods don't seem the same after i learnt their age - Discussion with Sadanand ]

The joy of living ...

Sometimes just a simple act of a hand holding yours or waking up beside another soul in the morning brings a different colour to life.

Will you really ?

Dearest,

I know you will help me in my battle.
Will you also help me give up my fight ?

- Srividya Srinivasan

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